Making Sense of Online "Friendships"

Hybrid tea rose "Brandy" blooming in my garden.

"...people who have online friends are more lonely than those who do not."   (from the study:  "The Internet, Social Networks, and Loneliness", by Jean-Francois Coget, Yutaka Yamauchi, and Michael Suman, published in IT&SOCIETY, VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1, SUMMER 2002, PP. 180-201 http://www.ITandSociety.org, copyright 2002 Stanford University).

• This study showed that people who have online friends use the internet in a social way, rather than as "an informational or basic communication tool." 

Interacting with people online is valuable, enjoyable, and educational, but ultimately the personal connections made are shallow. They are not real friendships, and it may be harmful to view them as such.

When we read a person's blog and learn details about her life, we have a sense that we "know" her. Exchanging comments and emails strengthens this illusion and makes us think that now we are "friends". We pat each other on the back when something good happens. We send a note of condolence and support when something bad happens. If "feels" like friendship. It has the appearance of friendship. But, it is merely a trick of the cyber medium.

Cyber friendships aren't real.  They could be, except that the whole point of online friendships is to avoid  intimacy and the work involved in being a true, committed friend. Sadly, time spent on the internet reduces the quality of face-to-face relationships, as well  (for instance, the above quoted article states: "The 'Internet and Society' report by the Stanford Institute for the Quantitative Study of Society (Nie 2000) documents negative consequences of the Internet that are consistent with the findings of the Kraut group. Nie surveyed 4113 Internet users within 2689 households in December 1999 and found that the more people used the Internet, the less time they spent talking to their families and friends, the less time they spent with them, and the less they attended events outside the household.").

The very best thing I found on this topic is a post by writer Jeff Goins (author of the books, The Writer's Manifesto, and  Wrecked: When A Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life) called, "The Problem With Online Friendship".  It is a short, well-written piece, and much worth reading. I heartily agree with his assessment.